Struggles

Lord, I struggle. Oh how I struggle with so much.  Right now I am struggling with the fact that in this world there is so much that needs to be done, yet most of this society is focused on presents, shopping and things.  There are wars, illnesses, hunger, so many without, without the simple things as a roof over their head, a bed, clean water, a family.  And here I sit, in a place where there is plenty. I have a roof over my head, a bed, clean water, indoor plumbing, electricity, heat, food on my table, access to quality medical care, I have a family.

Ever notice with social media it's all about "look what I have!"?  I am guilty of it. Yep, I've posted my fair share of photos showing what I received for a birthday, Christmas and all those other First World holidays.  A few years back I vowed to not take a photo of our Christmas tree with the presents under it. It isn't about the gifts, the packages or things. I love my tree, I love the lights, the shine, the glitter. I love taking a photo of the kids by it each year. I don't care about the things under it, but the people surrounding it.

I hear people constantly complain about how Christmas has become so commercialized. That people are resenting the holiday because of the cost and chaos. Who says we need to follow suit?  Why conform? Why continue to teach generations that its about things? We are all guilty. I am not without fault. How about truly doing for others?  I honestly cannot recall that ONE item, each year of my childhood that I asked for and either did or did not get, (most likely did not get, I was one of five).  Does it matter? No, we get all year round! Most of us are fortunate enough to be able to go out and get groceries, to have clothes, to have a cell phone, movies, tv, video games. Do we really NEED these things? What is missing???

I'll tell you. People, relationships, community, LOVE. Yes, that is all missing. I cannot sit back any longer and watch this world in the state it is and do nothing. I cannot be comfortable with the status quo.  It starts with me. Little ol' me. This small town girl who dreams big things, has idea's beyond the head they conjure up from. This heart has grown and continues to do so, and wants to share and wants the best for everyone.

I'm reading a book, Kisses from Katie. I love everything I have read so far and I can finally say that someone has put into book form what is running through my heart daily.  What caught me off guard was the correlation to a term that I have also struggled with, the term of being a Christian. What does that mean? I have considered myself one, but really, honestly what does it mean?  That term is tossed out there so often I think we have forgotten what it really is and have been using it with abandonment.  If you are a Christian, (I get we are all human and not without fault), do you partake in the chaos? Do you get caught up in the status frenzy? Do you care what others are doing, saying or telling you that you need in return? Is it really about things?

Here are a few sobering statistics:  there are 2.1 billion people on this planet that proclaim to be Christians. That's a lot. Approximately 143 million orphaned children, 11 million children will starve to death or die of preventable illnesses, 8.5 million work as child slaves, prostitutes or under other terrible conditions.  There are 2.3 million who live with HIV....if ONLY 8% of us so called Christians would care for ONE, just one more child, those stats of children would be gone. GONE! Now, I don't think this means that we need to all run out and physically adopt a child into our homes. But can we take just a small portion of our Christmas budget and help another child. YES. If you answer no to this, then maybe I ask, is it you that could need some help in your own home. I know I don't need one single item for Christmas. I don't. I really NEED, and I don't mean it's a want, to help others. I feel the need to be one of the 8% that actually do act upon these Christian values that I proclaim to have. I need to, I am choosing to.  I can choose to sponsor a child to go to school, I can donate to build a well, to send food, to help build a hospital, a home, a church. I can purchase socks and underwear for a person in need, I can stuff that cash into the kettle bell if I want my money to stay in the community. One does not have to look to a Third World country to see the need, although, I can assure you, their need is a different kind and unless you have been there and seen for yourself, you cannot begin to understand. I sure didn't.

I want hearts to be full this Christmas. I want to ignite a fire for doing for others. I want to put service above self. I want to see others eyes light up, I want to know that I made a difference in just ONE person. I am reminded of one of my favorite stories:

Be that person, who breaks the status quo and does for that just one other.  Reach out to family, even those you may not be on the best of terms with.  Talk to your neighbors, give a little extra of yourself.  Just say no to that extra store bought gift, look at what you CAN do, take time to be present, be that gift of light in a broken world.  Be that person, your gift to yourself, try it this Christmas season. Do not get caught up in the chaos.

Lord, oh how I struggle!

Pennies From Heaven

Anyone who knows me knows I am the person that stops to pick up a penny. I always have. They DO mean something to me, shiny or dirty, worn or new. A penny is a penny none the less.  I find them often on my runs or walks. I have a jar that is just for the money I find while on these excursions. I love when others tell me they too have found pennies while out and about. Lately, that penny has come to serve more to me than to simply mean a penny saved is a penny earned. It has come to mean HOPE.

Today the sermon was that of pennies. The visiting priest was talking about his daily walks and the time to just be. To be able to be in prayer, silence and absorb what is around you. One of the very reasons I prefer to run by myself. That is time to just be. While on his walks he finds money, most of it being pennies. He picks them up as well. He shared that others have told him that it isn't worth their time to pick them up, that they are worth less than a cent. That it is too much effort to bother with something that really has very little value. Yet to this priest it does have value. He equated that to valuing even those who are poor.

We often don't want to see those who are poor, and not just poor by financial means, but those who are also poor in spirit. It is easier to walk past, to feel as if it isn't worth our time. Sad to see that we have become a throw away society, that even a coin let alone people don't have worth. Let's pick up those pennies, let's take the time to see that person, that it is up to us to invite them in, to feed them, to nourish them, to share what we have to help them gain a sense of worth again.  

I have accepted the call for a second mission trip to Haiti. "But why do you need to go again, didn't you already cross that off your bucket list?" One, it wasn't just a bucket list item. I really felt called to do this. Two, I said before, I cannot unsee what I have seen. That place still exists, those people, they are still there, there is very much a need. Haiti may be one worn and tarnished penny, yet it still has worth or it would not be there. Remember, I too am a bit selfhis, it isn't all about what I can do for Haiti, but also what it teaches me.

Some see a "$h*+  hole" (a term used by someone else), a place of "those people" a place where the need may be way too great. I see a land that was entrusted to people, people who have unfortunately miss used what was given to them. Not unlike many of us here. The people of Haiti did not ask to be born into such conditions any more than you or I could choose the land to which we were born onto. I see a people who have a sense of gratitude, an aptitude for making something out of what appears to be nothing. I see a nation of hope, people who want to do better AND give back at the same time. I see a will, and believe we need to find a way.

Haiti is that tarnished penny. That penny that I often bend over to pick up that many may over look or find it isn't worth their time. I do not find it a coincidence that the priest today equated a penny with the poor. This message is just further affirmations that what my heart has been lit with, needs to shine and continue to light within others. I found a penny right there in Cite Soleil on my first day of service in Haiti. Cite Soleil of ALL places, the poorest slum in the Western Hemisphere. What does that say? I found a worn, old penny, right on our first water stop of the day. I was to be there, I could know that I was to see the hope in the people and to continue to give them hope. I was to let you all know that we need to pay attention and keep our eyes and hearts open. It really is up to us.

Just about right here is where I found that penny!

So when you find a penny, please, don't pass it by. If it at least makes you think of me and my silly jar full of the ones I collect on my runs and walks, then so be it. It gives me hope that you could smile and know that there was a little bit of good in your day. Maybe take that penny and give it intent, the intent to do something a little bit more, give that penny some worth, make it shine! In this world, I do believe we all have the ability to shine.

I challenge you to find a penny today. Leave me a note to say that you did, let's see how many pennies we can find over the next week that allows us to once again see hope in this world!

Live your life with purpose, live the life of abundance.
Stacey

These kids.

My heart is back in Haiti this morning. I don't want to forget a single thing about that trip. Going through the photos I have (and really haven't shared) is keeping those memories alive. I am also excited that I will be able to share my experience with a local group in Janesville today! To be able to share this passion and talk freely and openly about how my heart has been changed, how I am learning to understand what it means to mission to others and to see humans as people has me pretty pumped!

I'm still in awe over how this trip came to be for me and the continued nudge to keep this train a rollin'! Doing so has meant I have had to do a lot of things that most people wouldn't do or even agree with. I get asked, "Why go to another country when there are people here that need help." Yes, there are, and you can help those who are here. I also see that there is more to this world than what is in our own country. I also understand, now, the need to get out of your comfort zone to be able to really absorb what is needed. I can also bring what I know from here, to there and from there, back to here. (did you follow that?)  Right here it is too easy to stay "plugged in" too easy to find that convenience and still too easy to be blinded by what we have come to know as the norm.

Seeing what Haiti has by having so little. Learning that we didn't need to know words but could communicate through motions and emotions.  Being able to trust that I was in the right place at the right time.  I'll admit, when I was in the hospital, I wanted to BOLT right back out in the daylight and cry. I wanted to ask God why he has created a nation of such poverty and allowed such illness to take over His people. But at the moment I was told to keep it together, that I needed to be the light at that moment. I had to show others that we did have a reason for being there, our presence was that of His presence and if He could send His only Son for us, He could send us for those who are here in this day and time. I met the need of that moment. I held those babies to relieve those mothers of the weight of worry. I could smile, I could make eye contact, I could show them love. I gave them human touch, a connection and treated them with dignity. I learned that we ALL want those same things, no matter our place in life. 

Being in another country to be able to truly focus on those in front of you was such a learning mission for me. I have stated previously that I quickly realized that it was I who was being missioned to.  I was the one receiving more than I could possibly give!  I had a desire that was again alive and I what was I to do with this desire?

The one night I stated I wanted to encourage. I keep hearing that message all around me these days. Was it there before?  Perhaps, but now I am more tuned in to it. I am trying to not only encourage my self to be brave with my faith, to be able to keep doing that decent thing, but to also speak out and encourage others. Today I get to do just that. I am not sure what my presentation will present. I pray that it opens the eyes of the need for us to continue to really lead a Christian life.

I was more than "nudged" by someone who knows more than me to embark on this journey. Upon returning home, I am continued to be nudged, and lately not so gently. Just when I am in doubt, I am reminded of exactly what it is I need to continue this journey.  The books I crave to read seem to fall into my lap and feed the hunger for wanting more affirmations and knowledge to lead a life with purpose.  The people who come into my life seem to be there at the right moments. The opportunities to practice what I am learning and to continue to grow as a person are within my reach again. That word encourage isn't just meant for me to do for others, but to do for myself as well.

I leave you with this, take a little time for yourself today. Really listen to what it is YOU need. Ask what it is that you can do for not only yourself, but another person. Extend a little grace to those who need it.  Be open to what it is you need to learn today.

Live your life with purpose, live a life of abundance,
Stacey

Humble is Not Just a Feeling

As I sat in church this past weekend I was yet pleased to hear the sermon that I did. For some reason it is just what I needed to hear. It was about being humble. I have struggled with what that exact meaning has meant for some time.

Dictionary.com:  Humble:  adjective;
not proud or arrogant; modest.
having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience, etc.: 
low in rank, importance, status, quality, etc.; lowly:

But what does that mean, I mean really, what exactly should that mean to us? 
 
In Father Leif's words: "To be humble does not mean to think lowly or less of ones self, but to not be thinking of ones self." YES!

We live in a society that promotes more. MORE, more and even still MORE! We need to make more money, we need to buy more things, we need more friends, more things to do,  more attention, we need to better ourselves, MORE.  All for what? That instant gratification and ability to say we've done something more than someone else? I struggle with that. Are we not ALL deserving of having the basic things? Are we not all deserving of having happiness and love? Yet we are being taught that we need to DO more to HAVE more. More of what? It's also a culture of, "Hey, look at me!" and those five minutes of fame or the notoriety. That culture of chaos.

I have observed a culture on a daily basis that is constantly searching for this more.  People work more hours, more days. They are buying more, trying to show that they have been able to do more with what they have accomplished. I see people list off their accomplishments like a laundry list that they want to be recognized for. Where is that getting us as a whole? In the end I feel it has left us all empty and still wanting MORE.

More what? I want more moments. I want more time, time with my kids and family. I want more love, more feeling of doing the decent thing, to recognize that people ARE what is important in this world. I want to do more, bring my family along to do more as well. Do more of what feels right instead of just good. Yes, these things we are starting to do are above that proverbial "good deed list" that some like to keep track of. I want to make my kids think, "ugh, I'd rather be doing something else than THIS for that person."  I want them to feel out of their comfort zone. I want them to grow, I want their hearts to be the more in this crazy life. I want them to have that feeling of doing for someone else.

I do want to do more. Truly I do. But I have found the more I do for me the less I feel better about life in general. Now, I am not saying every person does not deserve time or things for themselves, no, that's not it. We all need to take that time to recharge and to just be. We need to ask the why to what we are doing, the who are we really doing things for. Is it for ourselves or is it so we can be a better person for those around us? What I am saying is when you do more for others you actually do have more for yourself.  The more love I give, then more I receive in return. I have found that investing in people has been the greatest return on that initial investment. Some times it isn't about that "to do" list. It isn't about what YOU need to get done for yourself, but it IS about what you need to do in order to be there for someone else.

I am not looking for the pat on the back, I don't want an award or recognition.  I am trying to simply encourage each of you to do more and be more, WITH me! Start by taking an active interest in those around you, or perhaps it's a more honest look at yourself. Ask your own why. When you do ask someone how they are, really listen. Wait for the answer. I need to remind myself that it isn't about listening to respond, but to actually LISTEN to what the person is saying. Acknowledge those around you. Extend a hand when you can, even go out of your way to do a little extra, not because you are being watched or for the recognition, but because once again, it is the decent thing to do.

Live your life with purpose, live the life of abundance.
With Love,
Stacey

Reflecting

Me with a sweet little angel, Alex and Papa Leo!

I have sat here at the computer so many times trying to come up with the perfect way of summing up my mission trip to Haiti. But there is no such thing as perfect, let alone a way to summarize the trip. I cannot put into words what I was able to see and feel. I wouldn't be doing any of it justice by trying to give a play by play. I equate it to taking a photo of a gorgeous sunset, it looks ok, spurs the great memory of the moment, but the colors, the feelings just aren't there.

I loved everything about that trip. I loved how I was excited. I loved the raw hopes of going in and feeling like I was going to "do something good." I couldn't fathom the emotions I would feel. I never expected my heart to grow beyond imaginable amounts. I truly didn't expect to fall so completely in love with Haiti and all that Healing Haiti stands for.

To be the hands and feet of Christ. I thought I knew what that meant. I thought that if I just said yes to this that I was being a "good person."  I have grown to dislike that term. I have thank a very wise young lady on this past trip for opening my eyes to the fact that it is about doing the decent thing. Treating others like humans. To actually look at people as people. To mission to them, the needs for that moment and at the same time to be willing to accept what was being missioned to me.  As I stated previously, I thought I could go in and make a difference in Haiti, but quickly saw that it was Haiti that made the difference in me.

I have been asked what was my favorite part of this trip. I would have to say it would be watching my teammates hearts grow and change. Watching for the "mmmmm hmmmm" and "aaahh haaa" moments. The light bulb of not only the mind but the heart clicking on. Sitting around our time as a group each night hearing what a team member got out of that day compared to me, what they may have witnessed that I didn't get the chance to see, to be able to share in the feelings of brokenheartedness and yet still having hope, faith and the compassion to do it all over again.

My team rocked. I don't know if they know just how much I enjoyed watching them grown. How much I relied on them to help me through those days. How comforting it was to know they were sharing in a lot of the same things I was going through. Our reunion party a few weeks back was a needed thing and just felt so great to be back together!

I could go on and on about the water truck stops and the children. I could try my best to describe the feeling at the moment of being there. I could try to tell you about our time at the Home of the Sick and Dying or even our experience with the elders or at the hospital. Truth be told, none of you would get it. I don't fault you for that, I wouldn't have even begun to understand prior to me being there either. It isn't tv, it isn't a movie. It's simply NOT a story. It is real, raw and life.  

This journey has opened my heart and eyes to more. I want to do more, not just be more. I am making different choices and searching, not for fulfillment, not for purpose, but to continue that feeling I was so thirsty for and to be able to keep it alive right here.  I can't go back to life the way it was. And my family, well, they are not the same people either. This mission trip changed them, even while I was gone, their hearts were changed, their eyes were opened as well. To go back to the way life was would not be right for any of us. 

I am not finished in Haiti. I cannot unsee what I have seen. I cannot forget. I cannot go forth in my life not wanting to share this with others, to bring them with on the journey. I want to return, I will be returning. Most likely sooner rather than later, and this time with a few friends and my daughter.

Just a glimpse of Cite Soleil, Haiti

Re Entry

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaccckkkk!

Ok, but not sure that's a good thing. Yes, I am happy to be back with my family, to hug them, laugh with them and create more memories. Happy to take a bubble bath, sleep in my own bed and go for a run. Glad that I can cook my own food and get back to my life as scheduled. But I am struggling. I cannot unsee what I saw.  I cannot  go back to being so blind as to what life is about.

I am dealing with the fact that in America, we have so much but are missing out on what is important. We live in neighborhoods but are lacking community. We don't want to rely on others and insist on doing things so much more privately.  We lack gratitude and grace. We are quick to judge and to want to acquire more things. We complain about the trivial things. I am quite sad to see such a difference. I am embarrassed for my ignorance.

I went on this mission trip wanting to do good. Wanting to make a difference. To see what I saw, I at first didn't know just what could be done. It was then that I realized that the difference wasn't to be made on the Haitians, but to myself. It was what I could bring back and teach here.  Haiti wasn't the true mission field, it was my heart and soul that needed to be missioned to.

The Haitians have a lot in life right. Yes, I can see that they don't have great living quarters or conditions, I mean, no electricity or means for running or clean water.  There are very little job opportunities, no true health care system and I'd ask if YOU could live off of a $1 a day.  But what they do have is a great sense of community and gratitude. Every single person I came across said thank you. They all worked closely to help gather water and each child I saw wanted to make sure the one next to them received a little love or nourishment as well.

To see people pouring out of a factory, one of very few in Port-au-Prince, makes me think why there aren't more there to provide jobs for them. Oh that's right, as Americans we say that we shouldn't support companies that don't stay stateside or create jobs here. I for one get it now. I didn't prior to that moment. Who says that people elsewhere, who want to work, who want to earn a living, who want to provide for their family should not be able to have a job as well?

The sense of entitlement here has been something I think a lot of us can agree on is a big problem. I did not meet one person in Haiti who felt entitled to anything, other than their faith and gratitude. They weren't begging, they weren't just laying around. They are resourceful. They make due with what little they have, resources for building materials included.  Gathering water and rationing it out. They check in on those around them.

As I sit here trying to be quiet and calm my fears of forgetting Haiti and this experience, I am amazed at how one of my teammates knows just when to post something that makes my heart remember.  I will need time to continue to process this and to know what it is I do from here.  I will post a little about each day of service I did, but not until next week. I would encourage any of you to look to your hearts to see if there is something you can do to help serve others, it may not be in Haiti, but could be in your own COMMUNITY to help make it every sense of that word, a community.

Until I have had time to reconnect and process, (this re entry stuff is no joke and my family is doing amazing with allowing me to be), I wish you all peace.

Live your best life,

Stacey

And Away We Go!

It's Monday, and most of you know I always love me a Monday.  This Monday is a bit extra special, I am leaving on a jet plane for a mission trip to Haiti. I have never felt so ready to do something. I have never done anything of this sorts. Like I said a few posts ago, I have not expectations other than to come home with renewed faith.

Yesterday was a mixed bag of emotions. The mass I attended was in my grandparents memory, the message from Sister was spot on.  I was anxious to be on this mission, I was running out of time to get things done. I was sad to be leaving my family. I love them so much and just enjoy being able to spend time with them. I will have access to the internet in the evenings to message back and forth a bit. That should help me know that things are fine back home.

I need to let my kids grow as people and know they can do things without me. I need to know that Tim can step up to the plate and be the man I see in him. As the woman of the house, I often take charge because that is what has always been done. It is what I had to do for years. If I am not there, they all can grow together and create their own sense of accomplishments.  They need to miss me.

So as I set off with the fresh memories made together yesterday, my bags and that of the supplies I am bringing, it is that I want to thank you all for your encouragement, words of wisdom and continued positive thoughts & prayers. For those who have financially contributed, I am ever so grateful that you have allowed me the means to be able to do this. I will be taking the time to journal my experiences each day and even if I am not the one taking photo's, I will assure you that I will come home with some to share.

I am sure next Monday will be a little extra special as well as it will be my trip back to be reunited with my family!! I will be anxious to see them and will need time to readjust, (Tim & kids and Kona too, be ready for BIG hugs!). Until then, I want to fully live in the NOW and do the work that I am called to do.

And a big thanks to Tim for his love for our family and for driving me to the airport!

Much love and peace to you all!

My two shirts and the wonderful journal I will use!