Ok, but not sure that's a good thing. Yes, I am happy to be back with my family, to hug them, laugh with them and create more memories. Happy to take a bubble bath, sleep in my own bed and go for a run. Glad that I can cook my own food and get back to my life as scheduled. But I am struggling. I cannot unsee what I saw. I cannot go back to being so blind as to what life is about.
I am dealing with the fact that in America, we have so much but are missing out on what is important. We live in neighborhoods but are lacking community. We don't want to rely on others and insist on doing things so much more privately. We lack gratitude and grace. We are quick to judge and to want to acquire more things. We complain about the trivial things. I am quite sad to see such a difference. I am embarrassed for my ignorance.
I went on this mission trip wanting to do good. Wanting to make a difference. To see what I saw, I at first didn't know just what could be done. It was then that I realized that the difference wasn't to be made on the Haitians, but to myself. It was what I could bring back and teach here. Haiti wasn't the true mission field, it was my heart and soul that needed to be missioned to.
The Haitians have a lot in life right. Yes, I can see that they don't have great living quarters or conditions, I mean, no electricity or means for running or clean water. There are very little job opportunities, no true health care system and I'd ask if YOU could live off of a $1 a day. But what they do have is a great sense of community and gratitude. Every single person I came across said thank you. They all worked closely to help gather water and each child I saw wanted to make sure the one next to them received a little love or nourishment as well.
To see people pouring out of a factory, one of very few in Port-au-Prince, makes me think why there aren't more there to provide jobs for them. Oh that's right, as Americans we say that we shouldn't support companies that don't stay stateside or create jobs here. I for one get it now. I didn't prior to that moment. Who says that people elsewhere, who want to work, who want to earn a living, who want to provide for their family should not be able to have a job as well?
The sense of entitlement here has been something I think a lot of us can agree on is a big problem. I did not meet one person in Haiti who felt entitled to anything, other than their faith and gratitude. They weren't begging, they weren't just laying around. They are resourceful. They make due with what little they have, resources for building materials included. Gathering water and rationing it out. They check in on those around them.
As I sit here trying to be quiet and calm my fears of forgetting Haiti and this experience, I am amazed at how one of my teammates knows just when to post something that makes my heart remember. I will need time to continue to process this and to know what it is I do from here. I will post a little about each day of service I did, but not until next week. I would encourage any of you to look to your hearts to see if there is something you can do to help serve others, it may not be in Haiti, but could be in your own COMMUNITY to help make it every sense of that word, a community.
Until I have had time to reconnect and process, (this re entry stuff is no joke and my family is doing amazing with allowing me to be), I wish you all peace.
Live your best life,
Stacey
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