Reflecting

Me with a sweet little angel, Alex and Papa Leo!

I have sat here at the computer so many times trying to come up with the perfect way of summing up my mission trip to Haiti. But there is no such thing as perfect, let alone a way to summarize the trip. I cannot put into words what I was able to see and feel. I wouldn't be doing any of it justice by trying to give a play by play. I equate it to taking a photo of a gorgeous sunset, it looks ok, spurs the great memory of the moment, but the colors, the feelings just aren't there.

I loved everything about that trip. I loved how I was excited. I loved the raw hopes of going in and feeling like I was going to "do something good." I couldn't fathom the emotions I would feel. I never expected my heart to grow beyond imaginable amounts. I truly didn't expect to fall so completely in love with Haiti and all that Healing Haiti stands for.

To be the hands and feet of Christ. I thought I knew what that meant. I thought that if I just said yes to this that I was being a "good person."  I have grown to dislike that term. I have thank a very wise young lady on this past trip for opening my eyes to the fact that it is about doing the decent thing. Treating others like humans. To actually look at people as people. To mission to them, the needs for that moment and at the same time to be willing to accept what was being missioned to me.  As I stated previously, I thought I could go in and make a difference in Haiti, but quickly saw that it was Haiti that made the difference in me.

I have been asked what was my favorite part of this trip. I would have to say it would be watching my teammates hearts grow and change. Watching for the "mmmmm hmmmm" and "aaahh haaa" moments. The light bulb of not only the mind but the heart clicking on. Sitting around our time as a group each night hearing what a team member got out of that day compared to me, what they may have witnessed that I didn't get the chance to see, to be able to share in the feelings of brokenheartedness and yet still having hope, faith and the compassion to do it all over again.

My team rocked. I don't know if they know just how much I enjoyed watching them grown. How much I relied on them to help me through those days. How comforting it was to know they were sharing in a lot of the same things I was going through. Our reunion party a few weeks back was a needed thing and just felt so great to be back together!

I could go on and on about the water truck stops and the children. I could try my best to describe the feeling at the moment of being there. I could try to tell you about our time at the Home of the Sick and Dying or even our experience with the elders or at the hospital. Truth be told, none of you would get it. I don't fault you for that, I wouldn't have even begun to understand prior to me being there either. It isn't tv, it isn't a movie. It's simply NOT a story. It is real, raw and life.  

This journey has opened my heart and eyes to more. I want to do more, not just be more. I am making different choices and searching, not for fulfillment, not for purpose, but to continue that feeling I was so thirsty for and to be able to keep it alive right here.  I can't go back to life the way it was. And my family, well, they are not the same people either. This mission trip changed them, even while I was gone, their hearts were changed, their eyes were opened as well. To go back to the way life was would not be right for any of us. 

I am not finished in Haiti. I cannot unsee what I have seen. I cannot forget. I cannot go forth in my life not wanting to share this with others, to bring them with on the journey. I want to return, I will be returning. Most likely sooner rather than later, and this time with a few friends and my daughter.

Just a glimpse of Cite Soleil, Haiti